Breaking the Habit
by tenshi no oni
Summary: Songfic to Linkin Park's Breaking the Habit. Harry's musings. This is my first story so please read and reveiw.


There was a celebration in the Griffindor common room; it was to celebrate the end of the NEWT's. Everyone was having too much fun or were too drunk to notice the absence of a certain emerald eyed boy.  
  
_Memories concerned  
Like opening the wound  
I'm picking me apart again  
You all assume  
I'm safer in my room  
Unless I try to start again_  
  
Harry loved coming to the forest at night, he could be all alone with no one to bother him about anything, where he could just be Harry. "Dammit why do I have to be the-fucking-boy-who-lived, saviour of the bloody wizarding world and nutcase extraordinaire. Fuck that son of a bitch Voldemort and Dumbledore the lying bastard."  
  
_I don't want to be the one  
Who battles always choose  
Cuz inside I realize  
That I'm the one confused_  
  
"I don't want to fight Voldemort, I don't want to be a hero, it's not as great as it sounds in books and stuff, all you do is hurt and kill people or watch others being hurt or killed. And then after you save them all, people start to despise and fear you. Isn't that right Nightshade." He said petting one of the thestrals that had entered the clearing. "Ha ha, wait till they find out that Voldemort's still alive, ha ha ha.' He laughed bitterly.  
  
_I don't know what's worth fighting for  
Or why I have to scream  
I don't know why I instigate  
And say what I don't mean  
I don't know how I got this way  
I know it's not alright  
So I'm breaking the habit  
I'm breaking the habit tonight_  
  
"I don't know what to do anymore," he sighed, feeling defeated "Dumbledore won't tell me anything, Voldemort wants me dead for a mistake he made," sigh "my friends don't give a shit anymore, not that they ever did, Sirius is dead. Hell the only person I can count on not to treat me as evil, or a nuisance, or a kid, or some sort of super hero is my worst enemy!"  
  
_Clutching my cure I tightly lock the door  
I try to catch my breath again  
I hurt much more  
Than anytime before  
I have no options left again  
_  
"I know the quickest way to end this war, it's quite simple and will be really easy to do. No one will be able to stop me and it will fuck up everybody's plans," he said with a psychotic grin, "But I won't be able to see you guys again" he said turning towards the thestrals with a more solemn expression.  
  
_I don't want to be the one  
Who battles always choose  
Cuz inside I realize  
That I'm the one confused_  
  
"You are the only ones I can trust, and yet you're supposed to be evil, creatures of darkness. But then again Dumbledore ant the others on the 'light' side have betrayed my trust. I hate them all. Heh, I wonder if this makes me evil, hmm the Dark Lord Harry, nah that doesn't sound that good. Hey! That's why tom changed his name to Voldemort, it sounds better!" he said with a crazed laugh.  
  
_I don't know what's worth fighting for  
Or why I have to scream  
I don't know why I instigate  
And say what I don't mean  
I don't know how I got this way  
I'll never be alright  
So I'm breaking the habit  
I'm breaking the habit tonight_  
  
"Goodbye everyone" said Harry as he pulled up the sleaves of his black shirt, positioning the object he held over his wrists, "to quote Shakespeare 'Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player that struts and frets his hour upon the stage, and then is heard no more. It is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.' My life is empty, my heart is numb with pain and despair. I have nothing to live for so I won't live." he said as he slowly dragged the blade across his wrists, watching his blood pool around him. "Now I won't be sad anymore. Goodbye." Harry smiled as he sank into darkness.  
  
_I'll paint it on the walls  
Cause I'm the one that falls  
I'll never fight again  
And this is how it ends_  
  
The next morning he was found by his old friends, who had abandoned him, lying in a pool of blood, his pale lifeless body being guarded by the thestrals who had come to know him. When someone was finally allowed near Harry's body they saw that he was smiling and in his hand he clutched a card that said simply 'Goodbye and Fuck you all!'  
  
_I don't know what's worth fighting for  
Or why I have to scream  
But now I have some clarity  
To show you what I mean  
I don't know how I got this way  
I'll never be alright  
So I'm breaking the habit  
I'm breaking the habit_  
  
A lone figure watched as the casket was lowered into the ground. "Goodbye Harry, you were a good rival and would have been a good friend. It's kinda ironic that I'm the only person to come that actually gave a damm, but that's the way things go. Rest in peace Potter." He said throwing a black rose into the grave before walking off.  
  
_I'm breaking the habit tonight_


End file.
